Mindhunter! (Spoiler Alert)

I am a very positive person. I try to be. Always see the brighter side of things, stay happy life is short. Yada yada yada. But everyone has a dark side or a side that they want to suppress or want to change or improve or avoid and that side does sneak out once in a while and it is natural. I was completely aware of mine and so as one of the fixes I never watched movies or series that were emotionally disturbing or the ones that made me cry. Because I have news and documentaries for dose of reality, I do not want my movies and series shoving it down my throat when I watch them for entertainment and thrill. (Heads up – not bashing Mindhunter but beware of spoilers)

There is that difference between movies and series. A 2 hour movie takes you into a different world for a short span. Doesn’t matter if it is fantasy, reality, fiction or drama. A series grows on you. You live with the character you most connect to. You live with them, grow with them, fall with them and evolve into their world for that period of time. A series lingers in your mind more than you think it would. Personally, I avoid disturbing or very dark reality based stories and also try to avoid detailed reviews before I watch something so that the element of surprise exists when I watch anything. That is how I started watching Mindhunter (thinking it was a cop based reality story and also it had very good reviews). And it is good. Absolutely no complains about the series, the cast, the story line, the direction or anything else. It is the content that bothered me. Most of us want to be a good person, be the person who brings a change to the society, be that person who helps someone in need and always so much more. I have always wanted to be a special agent in my alternate reality, even a superhero sometimes (which superhero discussion alone should be a separate article on its own!). So that is how I connected to the story from the starting. Two FBI agents trying to help people and make a change. I evolved with Holden Ford and Bill Trench. I saw myself in their shoes. I interviewed criminals with them, I played back the interview to see how I could have done it differently, what do I infer from what they said. Maybe it was the narrative’s dominance to portray the world around Ford that made me connect to him more than Trench or maybe it was the something else I don’t know but I unconsciously evolved with Ford.

Trench was different. Different from Ford. He was able to vent the negativity and frustration out of his system to his wife. He understood what the job was doing to him and the creators put it beautifully how he broke down and rose again from that. I understood his side of the story but I continued watching the series and I could never break myself from the things happening and so the heaviness I was seeing kept wearing me down. At the end of few episodes I could feel it in me. I could literally experience the darkness of the crimes and the people committing them grow in Ford and me. It was disturbing. By the end of it, seeing Ford break down I could feel my world falling apart. I could not eat or sleep properly that night. I vented out to my brother and friends (thinking it would help) but no (trying to vent now not even sure if it is helping me). I grew more miserable. It was wrong. It was all wrong.

I did watch news every day, I am connected to the real world and know what is happening around me. I have read about worse things than the crimes shown in Mindhunter but have never been so disturbed. The reason this series disturbed me was the detailing and the actual emotional side of things. Why we do what we do. I have always known us as the most intelligent species. We have done unbelievable things through the period of time. We could be so much more and yet… we let power, greed, lust rule us. Control us. Turn us into monsters. We as humans are collectively destroying our own existence on this planet. Even animals treat their species in a better way. Way better than how we treat each other – so much hostility. All boils down to why we do what we do. I am not going to talk about philosophy of it, the psychology of it or why we do it. There are tons of books that do it. I just want to be that hopeful person again that felt the world could be a better place to live in. If I tried to be a better human being that would spread to the people with me and so on. We are so much more than animals and monsters. All we need is that one second pause to think is it worth it to have so much negativity? Is it worth hurting someone else for our pleasures? Is it really worth it to blame someone else for our doings?

Take everything as a learning, promise yourself to be better, brush it off, broaden your sight, have a new positive perspective and have a fresh start. That is all we need. And we have already made the world a better place to live in.

I can either go on whining or quit being a baby and do something about it.  Would I watch Mindhunter season 2? I might. Would I be so affected by it? I might be. Would I break down because of it? Probably not. Everyone brings out the dark side differently and I surely have found my way of coping with it 🙂 And who said writing doesn’t help 🙂

Stress… anxiety and Life

End of a long busy weekend you would think it would relieve the stress off of your mind. But surprise! The day after the long weekend it does feel fresh but definitely the stress guest is still residing in the space of your head. The morning bright day does not bother you. You will always wish you had one extra day to relax and start work fresh but let me tell you no matter how many days of leave you get it will never be enough unless your work is your one true love of your life. But for most of the people working in IT weekends are never enough.

Anxiety is like a worm. You have no clue from where it creeps in and what triggers it. No amount of holidays, vacations, time off, therapy can get it out of your head. Only you can. We have a lot of choices in life but all of it boils down to two things at the end. You can either whine about what is stressing you out or you can stop worrying and start acting out on an action plan. Every problem has a solution if not today definitely later. One step at a time is the mantra to any problem. You will at least feel better you accomplished something that day even if the problem exists. However small the step towards solution and however difficult that might be it is critical to getting rid of the problems in your life. There is no better motivation than yourself. Believe!

Remember Rome was not built in a day so is the solution to your problem!

Are Bluetooth earphones really your new best friend?

No matter how many times in a week I clean my room, there is that one chair that always gets full the very next day of my cleanliness resolution. This chair over flowing with clothes is my villain, the Joker of my room. Chaos and Chaos everywhere! Not because I can’t live with a messy chair of clothes but because I have a new friend on my side, actually in my ears 🙂 a wireless, Bluetooth earphones and that’s where the actual problem lies.

Before I go ahead and tell you my struggles with this supposedly new friend and new villain, I shall give you a bit of background about my unbelievable talent with managing Electronics. Its like I am a magnet, not for owning, on the contrary, for breaking them. Electronics maintenance and my love for Electronics are inversely proportional to each other. The more I pour my heart out in keeping them safe, the more they tend to fall off my hand and break. I have broken laptops, hard disks (sorry brother, he lost all of his files, I will not go into the details of what happened to me after that calamity), innumerable phones and their screens, watches, portable playstation (sorry again brother, coming to think of it, he has had the maximum loss because of my flair!), Ipod, the list is long I am not going to bore you with that. In case of earphones, I don’t even need to have them in my hands. They just rip themselves apart in my vicinity. God gifted talent! I am sure everyone has invested a lot in earphones, trying out different types, cheap ones, really good and expensive ones, moderately cheap ones, moderately expensive ones, ones that you buy because of others, and ones that you buy because of boredom. First few days you love them so much they never leave your ears, and when they do come off our ears, the next day it’s gone – earbuds missing, wire gets cut, phones port stops working (yeah that happened!), something becomes loose (I have lost so many earphones to this but never figured out what went loose), torn into two (that happened too!), more lost and missing. With so many challenges already, wired earphones have one more challenge. The daily struggles of untangling. The “improve your brain power” exercises can add one more to their puzzles, untangling your earphones. Its like a puzzle that needs to be solved in 5 seconds, because after those 5 seconds we turn into Hulk and rip it apart anyways, its not like the song is going to run away.  I am not even going to touch on what happens to wired earphones when you go for a run (all Hell breaks loose). Sigh! If I had saved up the money that I have invested on earphones over the years, I could go on a cruise! Oh, Well!

Drums rolling and the screen lifting – (tada) “Wireless Earphones”. I am not talking about over the ears big headphones. I am talking about the small little wire with two plugs (in ear). Seems like your solution to all the hassle, doesn’t matter if you are running, jumping, rolling, sleeping, keeping it in the bag, outside the bag, in your hand, not in your hand. Its like a one stop shop solution to all your problems, except for the missing earbuds which I think that there is a ghost in my room which is responsible for. Keep dreaming.

The one advantage of the wired earphones I forgot to add was how it was repellent to my chair of overflowing clothes. It acts like a drowning man with a life jacket. I always see the head, the tail or the microphone part of it peeping out of that humongous heap of clothes. Not once have I lost it there. And that is exactly where my new best friend gets a huge hit on the head. Its like Leonardo DiCaprio went into a Limbo and I can’t get him out. I search and search and search and search but I cannot find him and by the time my patience runs out and I am done searching, the whole room is Chaos! The chair = the Joker. Now not only do I have to search for my lost wireless earphone but now, I also have to clean my room all over again. By the time I finish cleaning it is after midnight with that one last jean that needs folding and guess what falls out of that jean? The lost little wireless earphone.

Now tell me, are these wireless, Bluetooth earphones really my new best friend? 😥

Nayagan BGM in the background and all that my mind can think: “Neenga nallavara kettavara????”

Rio Olympics!

Rio Olympics! The pride of every country participating in it. We all know how much pressure such an International platform can have on an individual. They are trained and trained and trained over months and years for this event. Their coach, family, friends, associations supporting them gives them the strength to just participate. Kudos! To every one of them, medal or no medal. For all the strength, dedication and passion.

Year 2016 – where people have started living a lot over the Internet more than physical existence, where a Twitter account gives instant access to world news than waiting for the next day newspaper and where its much easier to shop than supermarkets. But is there something bad about it too? Every coin has two sides to it. Instant access to the most disturbing news.

I recently read a very disturbing article –

Rio Olympics 2016 – India Misery not limited to Fields

Anger and frustration. My instant reaction – I should share it on my Twitter page. Then I stopped to think, but I have colleagues from various other countries in my friend list (who’s countries have done some amazing job in the Olympics). What would they think if they see my tweet? All the shares I did about the famous Modi speeches will be over shadowed by this disturbing news of how we are treating our heroes on an international platform. Do I voluntarily bring down the name of my country? But if everyone started thinking like the way I did and don’t share it, what then? We will never be aware of these things and the next time we vote we will not be aware of what we should be.

When we are in a world which talks about equality and fair play, does Olympics not contradict equality? Where there is no challenge and competition, there there is no growth. It is because of the same competitiveness that we as a world have seen so much development and technological advancement in the last 100-200 years. The fact that our athletes have done a brilliant job even to get this far is commendable, but what is life without competitiveness and winning? What is life without a personal satisfaction of achievement after so much hard work? What is life without the success you want to have? And isn’t it our duty to support these athletes in any way possible?  These athletes deserve what is rightfully theirs which is simple – resources to help them win. Anyone in power, who cannot provide that is a very, very, very selfish and cruel living being (I wouldn’t insult the human race by calling them a person).

I just have one question for our Honorable Prime Minister – when you gave those brilliant speeches in different nations and kept the name of our country high, did you not think sending our heroes to Olympics with such people for support bring down its name way more than it deserves? I don’t say all other countries are perfect, but does that justify our behavior?

Let’s stand up and stand together for what is right. Let’s spread the word that it is not right to misuse power. Let’s use platforms to tell the story of success and not distress.

Never Regret…

I don’t remember what made me do it, but back in college I had promised myself I would never regret about anything in life. A good promise, hard to keep.

Regrets in life are like a bag of chips. You know its bad, but when you eat one you cannot stop with one. You start regretting one tiny little thing and then realize your list growing long, long, long, longer every passing minute.  And if you by any chance become sad because of those regrets (which eventually you will), there is no coming out of that abyss. At one point, you would start regretting your existence. What is the point then? What is the point of those times you had laughed so hard you cried? What is the point of those times when you had fought with your family or friends and made all attempts to convince them because you loved them more than the silly fights? What is the point of those times when you had worked your ass off at your work place? One regret and the value of everything that mattered to you goes down the drain.

Why do we regret? It is a natural reaction to something we wish had not happened the way it did. It is a very strong emotion that can completely change the way you look at things. Well, we don’t have a time machine to go back in time and change what happened. Do we?

Never Regret. You cannot change what has happened. What will happen is always in your control, so you can still fix things in the future. You can learn from your mistake, instead of wasting time regretting it. If it is not in your control, then you have even more reasons not to worry about it, though that does not mean you don’t do anything about it. I strongly believe everything happens for a reason. Every little thing, good or bad, has its own consequence, maybe not now but later. Every moment teaches you something. See it as a learning, try not to do the same mistake next time, pat yourself, put a big smile on your face and try harder next time, there is nothing that you cannot do.

You fall, you rise, you learn and that is how you fly. But never Regret.