The world always has something to say about you or so you think.
Clingy if you are trying to get some attention or prove yourself and aloof and selfish if you stop giving a damn. So just stop giving a damn. Nobody cares after two minutes except you. So live for yourself and do what you dream. And baby, dream Big!
I am a very positive person. I try to be. Always see the brighter side of things, stay happy life is short. Yada yada yada. But everyone has a dark side or a side that they want to suppress or want to change or improve or avoid and that side does sneak out once in a while and it is natural. I was completely aware of mine and so as one of the fixes I never watched movies or series that were emotionally disturbing or the ones that made me cry. Because I have news and documentaries for dose of reality, I do not want my movies and series shoving it down my throat when I watch them for entertainment and thrill. (Heads up – not bashing Mindhunter but beware of spoilers)
There is that difference between movies and series. A 2 hour movie takes you into a different world for a short span. Doesn’t matter if it is fantasy, reality, fiction or drama. A series grows on you. You live with the character you most connect to. You live with them, grow with them, fall with them and evolve into their world for that period of time. A series lingers in your mind more than you think it would. Personally, I avoid disturbing or very dark reality based stories and also try to avoid detailed reviews before I watch something so that the element of surprise exists when I watch anything. That is how I started watching Mindhunter (thinking it was a cop based reality story and also it had very good reviews). And it is good. Absolutely no complains about the series, the cast, the story line, the direction or anything else. It is the content that bothered me. Most of us want to be a good person, be the person who brings a change to the society, be that person who helps someone in need and always so much more. I have always wanted to be a special agent in my alternate reality, even a superhero sometimes (which superhero discussion alone should be a separate article on its own!). So that is how I connected to the story from the starting. Two FBI agents trying to help people and make a change. I evolved with Holden Ford and Bill Trench. I saw myself in their shoes. I interviewed criminals with them, I played back the interview to see how I could have done it differently, what do I infer from what they said. Maybe it was the narrative’s dominance to portray the world around Ford that made me connect to him more than Trench or maybe it was the something else I don’t know but I unconsciously evolved with Ford.
Trench was different. Different from Ford. He was able to vent the negativity and frustration out of his system to his wife. He understood what the job was doing to him and the creators put it beautifully how he broke down and rose again from that. I understood his side of the story but I continued watching the series and I could never break myself from the things happening and so the heaviness I was seeing kept wearing me down. At the end of few episodes I could feel it in me. I could literally experience the darkness of the crimes and the people committing them grow in Ford and me. It was disturbing. By the end of it, seeing Ford break down I could feel my world falling apart. I could not eat or sleep properly that night. I vented out to my brother and friends (thinking it would help) but no (trying to vent now not even sure if it is helping me). I grew more miserable. It was wrong. It was all wrong.
I did watch news every day, I am connected to the real world and know what is happening around me. I have read about worse things than the crimes shown in Mindhunter but have never been so disturbed. The reason this series disturbed me was the detailing and the actual emotional side of things. Why we do what we do. I have always known us as the most intelligent species. We have done unbelievable things through the period of time. We could be so much more and yet… we let power, greed, lust rule us. Control us. Turn us into monsters. We as humans are collectively destroying our own existence on this planet. Even animals treat their species in a better way. Way better than how we treat each other – so much hostility. All boils down to why we do what we do. I am not going to talk about philosophy of it, the psychology of it or why we do it. There are tons of books that do it. I just want to be that hopeful person again that felt the world could be a better place to live in. If I tried to be a better human being that would spread to the people with me and so on. We are so much more than animals and monsters. All we need is that one second pause to think is it worth it to have so much negativity? Is it worth hurting someone else for our pleasures? Is it really worth it to blame someone else for our doings?
Take everything as a learning, promise yourself to be better, brush it off, broaden your sight, have a new positive perspective and have a fresh start. That is all we need. And we have already made the world a better place to live in.
I can either go on whining or quit being a baby and do something about it.  Would I watch Mindhunter season 2? I might. Would I be so affected by it? I might be. Would I break down because of it? Probably not. Everyone brings out the dark side differently and I surely have found my way of coping with it 🙂 And who said writing doesn’t help 🙂
End of a long busy weekend you would think it would relieve the stress off of your mind. But surprise! The day after the long weekend it does feel fresh but definitely the stress guest is still residing in the space of your head. The morning bright day does not bother you. You will always wish you had one extra day to relax and start work fresh but let me tell you no matter how many days of leave you get it will never be enough unless your work is your one true love of your life. But for most of the people working in IT weekends are never enough.
Anxiety is like a worm. You have no clue from where it creeps in and what triggers it. No amount of holidays, vacations, time off, therapy can get it out of your head. Only you can. We have a lot of choices in life but all of it boils down to two things at the end. You can either whine about what is stressing you out or you can stop worrying and start acting out on an action plan. Every problem has a solution if not today definitely later. One step at a time is the mantra to any problem. You will at least feel better you accomplished something that day even if the problem exists. However small the step towards solution and however difficult that might be it is critical to getting rid of the problems in your life. There is no better motivation than yourself. Believe!
Remember Rome was not built in a day so is the solution to your problem!
No matter how many times in a week I clean my room, there is that one chair that always gets full the very next day of my cleanliness resolution. This chair over flowing with clothes is my villain, the Joker of my room. Chaos and Chaos everywhere! Not because I can’t live with a messy chair of clothes but because I have a new friend on my side, actually in my ears 🙂 a wireless, Bluetooth earphones and that’s where the actual problem lies.
Before I go ahead and tell you my struggles with this supposedly new friend and new villain, I shall give you a bit of background about my unbelievable talent with managing Electronics. Its like I am a magnet, not for owning, on the contrary, for breaking them. Electronics maintenance and my love for Electronics are inversely proportional to each other. The more I pour my heart out in keeping them safe, the more they tend to fall off my hand and break. I have broken laptops, hard disks (sorry brother, he lost all of his files, I will not go into the details of what happened to me after that calamity), innumerable phones and their screens, watches, portable playstation (sorry again brother, coming to think of it, he has had the maximum loss because of my flair!), Ipod, the list is long I am not going to bore you with that. In case of earphones, I don’t even need to have them in my hands. They just rip themselves apart in my vicinity. God gifted talent! I am sure everyone has invested a lot in earphones, trying out different types, cheap ones, really good and expensive ones, moderately cheap ones, moderately expensive ones, ones that you buy because of others, and ones that you buy because of boredom. First few days you love them so much they never leave your ears, and when they do come off our ears, the next day it’s gone – earbuds missing, wire gets cut, phones port stops working (yeah that happened!), something becomes loose (I have lost so many earphones to this but never figured out what went loose), torn into two (that happened too!), more lost and missing. With so many challenges already, wired earphones have one more challenge. The daily struggles of untangling. The “improve your brain power” exercises can add one more to their puzzles, untangling your earphones. Its like a puzzle that needs to be solved in 5 seconds, because after those 5 seconds we turn into Hulk and rip it apart anyways, its not like the song is going to run away. I am not even going to touch on what happens to wired earphones when you go for a run (all Hell breaks loose). Sigh! If I had saved up the money that I have invested on earphones over the years, I could go on a cruise! Oh, Well!
Drums rolling and the screen lifting – (tada) “Wireless Earphones”. I am not talking about over the ears big headphones. I am talking about the small little wire with two plugs (in ear). Seems like your solution to all the hassle, doesn’t matter if you are running, jumping, rolling, sleeping, keeping it in the bag, outside the bag, in your hand, not in your hand. Its like a one stop shop solution to all your problems, except for the missing earbuds which I think that there is a ghost in my room which is responsible for. Keep dreaming.
The one advantage of the wired earphones I forgot to add was how it was repellent to my chair of overflowing clothes. It acts like a drowning man with a life jacket. I always see the head, the tail or the microphone part of it peeping out of that humongous heap of clothes. Not once have I lost it there. And that is exactly where my new best friend gets a huge hit on the head. Its like Leonardo DiCaprio went into a Limbo and I can’t get him out. I search and search and search and search but I cannot find him and by the time my patience runs out and I am done searching, the whole room is Chaos! The chair = the Joker. Now not only do I have to search for my lost wireless earphone but now, I also have to clean my room all over again. By the time I finish cleaning it is after midnight with that one last jean that needs folding and guess what falls out of that jean? The lost little wireless earphone.
Now tell me, are these wireless, Bluetooth earphones really my new best friend? 😥
Nayagan BGM in the background and all that my mind can think: “Neenga nallavara kettavara????”
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